Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Down the Rabbit Hole we Go!

How many readers administer group pages?  Are you responsible for what your readers do with that information?  I venture to say you are probably not because you have not mastered the art of manipulation and mind control like I apparently have.  More over, what does that say about the people in my group? While I don't mind being given omnipotent and mind controlling powers as a lark, but it mystifies me to think an otherwise rational adult is actually serious when they say I am responsible for the actions of people who subscribe to my facebook group page.  Really, I have that much control over earthlings? 
Let me try to explain how this happened. I was recently added to group chat on messenger, my initial thought was how nice of someone to include me.   Ordinarily, I enjoy participating in group chats, I get to contribute, explore ideas and perhaps really make a difference in the conversation. However, I only had to read a couple of lines to realize that this was not a normal productive group chat.  It was apparent that whoever set up this group chat was not considering constructive participation from the people they added to this chat. But rather he/ she was looking for support for a personal disagreement between two people. I would even  go so far as to say it was a heated argument that was quickly spiraling out of control.  The person who started the chat wanted witnesses not a calming voice. In the five seconds it took me to assess the conversation I decided to leave the chat. 
I immediately received a personal message from the person that started the group who said, thanks for the support. Good to know you were a supporter of transparency and open dialogue I am ashamed to call you two my family.  Then it went even further to say, I obviously want  your input but you don’t care to deal with conflict you indirectly a part of.   While I tried to reason with this person, and did my best to explain that I have no control over people’s actions, related to me or not. People who subscribe to the group I administer are all functioning adults. That person was so upset, any attempt by me being rational was lost.  In fact, my attempt to be reasonable and calm was interpreted as being passive aggressive.  I was verbally insulted and called names. And to further insult me, in case I didn’t understand what the word meant, I was sent the meaning of ‘passive aggressive’. Hmm, does this blog constitute being  passive aggressive?    To top it off I was not the one who started this foolish dispute. A dispute that could have been resolved had either of them bothered to pick up the phone and talked to one another. 
Apparently, that particular group chat was so emotionally charged that participants where slinging mud at each other well into the early hours of the following morning. Mercifully, I didn't participate, even as a witness, to what appeared to be a denigration frenzy.  The fact that I was not involved in the conversation apparently didn't matter because I was accused of being held responsible for their bad behavior and the consequences of the fallout from this chat. Oh, how I digress!  
What is happening to us? Social media platforms, specifically Facebook, have altered the behavior of people so much that normal cordial and intelligent conversation is becoming a distant memory.  The boundary of human decency and respect is replaced with a more cavalier attitude.  Conversations on social media that are embroiled in a highly charged emotional state are like the Wild West. Just shoot from the hip indiscriminately and worry about it later. As people angrily tap, tap, tap, on their computer keyboard slinging insults and innuendos at each other, they simply just lose their mind. More often than not they leave the conversation consumed with so much anger and animosity for each other that it impacts on their real life relationships. Families are now the enemies, Friends are deleted, and people are left disempowered, disillusioned, and bat crazy with anger. 

The person who started this drama ended up saying, "I am so heartbroken".  Come on you started this drama and now you want sympathy! Even before the conversation got heated, you said to me "I am ashamed to call you family." That certainly was not an invitation for me to go back into that chat.   Grow up and get some perspective! Until you've experienced both the loss  of your beloved mom and a very special brother in less than six months, you have no idea about heartbreak.  A argument on social media, no matter how unpleasant, does not compare to the heartbreak I feel everyday missing my late mom and late brother.  It has only been just over 7 months since Rossi passed away.  I am still grieving him.  

Welcome to the human dynamics of the 21st century.   I miss the days of snail mail and lovely hand written letters, don’t you? It boggles my mind how quickly we have gone down this rabbit hole.  

Sunday, March 12, 2017

This is What Love Looks Like

It is simple. I wrote and read this elegy for my mom.  Be the beacon of light in your life.  You know, only you can change how you feel toward others. You can be happy and be at peace in your relationships, all you have to do is ACCEPT IT IS WHAT IT IS.  

Therese Deranger (Adam) 1919-2016 

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

This Burns!

I recently had a bizarre experience.  Let me begin by saying, I am a vegetarian and go to great lengths to purchase wholesome organic foods.  I have a vegetable garden because there is no better way to ensure you are eating 100% clean. I am also thoughtful of my carbon footprint, and I do not buy any toxic cleaning supplies, like bleach and other heavy-duty house cleaners.
So, when I was on my computer and began to notice a burning sensation on my fingers I could not imagine what was causing it. I continued working for a few more moments but then the pain became distracting and unbearable.  I looked down at my hands and noticed white marks, which I recognized immediately as some form of chemical burn.  Yikes!!!
Immediately, I washed my hands under cool water for what seemed like a long time before I felt some relief.  I applied coconut oil and a topical antibiotic cream to my hands.  It was several hours before the immediate burning sensation diminished but I could feel the slight sting for a few days still.  Thankfully, I didn’t inadvertently touch my eyes when I had the substance on my hands. It really would have been so much worst.

I felt disbelief when I found the cause.  It was from a Pacific brand prepackaged organic soup.  The package looked pretty innocuous.  It didn’t look like it had been tampered with and the expiry date had not yet passed.   What I am able to ascertain is that when I cut open the top it exposed some type of chemical.  I am not sure but the substance felt like some form of acid. That substance had to be in the package lid because when I touched it before it was open there had been no reaction on my hands, nor has anyone else who handled it had any averse reaction to it.   

I immediately placed it into a zip lock bag. This substance seemed to be extremely toxic that
Notice whiteness where the box is burned  
even sealed in the bag, when moved resulted in another reaction.  I wiped down my entire kitchen, all surfaces and everything I remembered touching. 

I called Health Canada Food Safety, my call was returned immediately. A file was opened and sent to Ottawa. Ingrid, the food inspector from the Ottawa area contacted me and said they would investigate any controls in place at the site where it is packaged. 

I also called the company Pacific foods and informed them about the situation. Jan from Regional sales returned my call immediately.  She requested I email her pictures of my hands.  I have not heard from her since I sent the email.

I have no idea if this is an isolated case or if it is more widespread. I do not know if it was contaminated at the source or somewhere else. I have no idea if it was some nefarious person’s prank and if anyone specifically was the target.

It is a mystery!  What I am able to say however is be cautious of this product and if you have it keep it away from children.  The best before date is May 23,2017.  Batch number is 15143-23 09057. 

Monday, February 6, 2017

She is Who She is

The most perplexing, difficult and loving relationship we will ever experience will be the one we have with our mothers.  Our mothers are our first love and our life long teacher. Unfortunately, through the years, we can drift apart through conflict and misunderstandings.  Many of us won’t find our way back to that sacred relationship until it is too late.
Therese Deranger (Adam) 
To anyone who choses to listen to me, I tell them that they can have a loving relationship with their Mom too.  It is not that difficult, all it takes is a shift in consciousness. Then I tell them my story and how it came to be that I held my Mom in the highest esteem possible. I am honoured to say that I had a profound and extraordinary relationship with my Mom until her death in 2016. The beauty is my love for her didn’t end with her death, I continue to love her from deep within my soul.   

When I was younger I feared my Mom and didn’t understand her.  She was an enigma to me. She constantly yelled out orders to us, clean this, do that, do it again from morning until bedtime. I learned how to do things quickly and stay out of her way. She was a strong willed woman raised in a traditional Denesuline lifestyle, a lifestyle I didn’t understand nor appreciate until I was well into adulthood.  Thankfully, she gave me the gift of the Densuline language, my most prized skill.

My relationship with my mom changed by accident. One day, while driving with a colleague to meet with a First Nation community north of Edmonton, my passenger began talking about her Mom, with whom she had a difficult relationship.  She mentioned that it wasn’t until after her death that she understood her and she was regretful for the wasted years.  She went on to say that it was through taking a course in communications that opened her up to possibilities for creating exceptional relationships.  I was intrigued.
I enrolled in the 3½ days Communications Course with Landmark Education.  It was an intensive and arduous course that went deep below the surface to find the core of what makes us who we are.  Many participants had breakthroughs that weekend.   I didn’t enrol in the course with the intent to work on my relationship with my Mom; instead I wanted to be a better communicator.
It was half-way through the course when what someone said triggered a memory of something my Dad said when asked if he minded when Mom bossed him around.  He responded: “She is who she is.”  At this juncture, in this course, this made perfect sense and I really got what he said. It was transformational; it changed my life and profoundly changed my relationship with my Mom.

She didn’t have to change.  I didn’t have to wish she were different. She is who she is.  She is the culmination of her parents, grandparents, relationships, and her experiences.  All I had to do was change my perspective towards how I “saw” her.  She didn’t have to do anything, just be herself.  Simple but powerfulThis is her story.  My love for her grew and grew; it grew way beyond me.  She is the ultimate love story of my life.   Miss you Mama.  May 8, 1919 – February 12, 2016. 

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Good Bye 2016

Usually I recap my year, but not his year.   I am not looking back.  Nope.

2017 I am ready for whatever you bring.  I am not making any New Years resolutions this year.  It is a blank page, which I will feel as I go.   I am wide open to experience everything for the first time. The new dawn ahead is like fresh snow without footprints, still I will step through it staying in the present moment because I know enough to know that there can be ice underneath it. I will be ready for any surprises.  2017 I welcome you with an open mind and  I hold no personal expectations. After all I don't want to set any limits on what you have in store for me.   Let's see what you've got.... :)

UPDATE:  Possibly the best New Year's Resolution blog post

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Who are Your People?

Grey Owl in 1936. One of the world’s first environmentalists, author and lecturer.  It was revealed after his death that he was not Aboriginal at all but an Englishman named Archie Bellaney who had dyed his hair black and darkened his skin

The past several days social platforms and mainstream media have fueled the conversation regarding the Indigenous heritage of a well-known author, Joseph Boyden.  I really don’t know if he has Indigenous blood or not.  All you have to do is Google Joseph Boyden to read the varying opinions that have been written and discussed regarding Boyden’s claim to an Indigenous heritage. 

I particularly enjoyed reading the blog of former lawyer and active mystery writer, PeggyBlair. Specifically when she writes;For those rushing to Boyden’s defence, I would suggest they exercise a bit of care. We have to listen to what Indigenous people are saying.  As settlers, we hold enormous power. We have a responsibility to be cautious before we accord prominence to someone to speak about Indigenous issues. As tweeter Tom Fortington said, it’s too much to put the entire burden of accountability on First Nations.”

Most of my readers know that I am Densuline. I come from the shores of Lake Athabasca.  I am a member of the Athabasca Chipewyan First Nation since birth.  My parents were Isidore and Therese Deranger. I am very proud of my identity.

The question of one's identity can be complex and many dimensional. The issue of identity begins as a personal matter. In a recent conversation with a non-Indigenous friend, he laments, why do some people want to be something other than what they were at birth? That is a good question.

Identifying as Indigenous does not automatically mean you’re entitled to rights as an Indigenous person. Finding an Indigenous ancestor in your family tree can give a person the right to claim some form of Indigenous identity, but the issue of identity ceases to be purely personal when something tangible is at stake, like Aboriginal or treaty rights or the right to claim a prize intended for Indigenous writers, for example. Perhaps the criteria should be more clear for these prizes.  Furthermore, people applying for these should be asked for proof of their Indigenous heritage. 

Others became Indians through the loophole of the Indian Act. The law corrected this loophole in 1985 to bring the Indian Act in line with gender equality under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Many Indigenous women had their Indian status rights restored.  However, in my opinion it didn’t go far enough to correct the injustice of also conferring statutory Indian status rights under the Indian Act on non-Indigenous women who married a status Indian. Many of these women continue to reap the benefits of this loophole long after that relationship dissolved. A purely personal sense of identity morphs into a matter for public concern.

The concern arises when Indigenous identity is an opportunity to claim benefits that rightly belong to Indigenous peoples.  There is justification for these special benefits, which stem from colonization and marginalization of Indigenous peoples for hundreds of years. We have paid a great price to be afforded these benefits.  They belong to our Nations and communities collectively, not to every individual who happens to have an Indigenous ancestor.

No doubt, some of these people take on Indigenous identity and wear it proudly like their Sunday best; eventually they may come to believe a fabricated story of where they come from and will vehemently defend their story. Holding someone accountable to who their “real” people are does not mean we don’t appreciate and like them as a person. That is not the problem with this scenario. Joseph Boyden is not the first person to claim Indigenous identity and he won’t be the last. 

And, yes it bothers me. 

I guess I should feel some sort of gratitude towards people who claim to be Indigenous. After all they are saying, we love your culture so much so that we have embodied it and have appropriated it as our own.  People, you simply can’t just do that and you should stop it! If you are one of these people come clean and embrace your own culture and identity.  At the very least tell us who your people are.    

Still others simply just want to belong. Either way it is terribly wrong.  You can show your adoration for our rich Indigenous culture without pretending to be one of us.  We will accept you as who you really are.  Really.  We’re cool like that and I know this is something you love about us.  :)

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